


Earthly Delights

by JosieCarioca



Series: Post War- Snape survives AU [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Consensual Sex, Dom/sub Undertones, Edgeplay, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Light Dom/sub, Oral Sex, PTSD mentions, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Power Play, Slice of Life, Smut, Spanking, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2019-10-23 16:00:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17686592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosieCarioca/pseuds/JosieCarioca
Summary: "Post War" behind the scenes."Earthly Delights" is a compilation of independent one-shots and drabbles chronicling Severus and Evelyn´s daily life as friends and as a couple in no particular order, with the details and little everyday moments we don´t get to see in "Post War".Basically fluff, smut and some angst here in there. (NSFW chapters will be marked appropriately. Detailed tags will be added as the series progresses)





	1. Scent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus, Evelyn and a vial of Amortentia. (drabble)

(Late October, 1998)

 

"Is this another one of your projects?"

Severus turned around to see Evelyn eyeing the small pink bottle on the coffee table suspiciously . 

Damn it, he had forgotten to put that thing away before answering the door. He should be wiser by now. But instead of being more aware he had just allowed familiarity to make him careless, forgetting Evelyn Black was worst than a cat when it came to being curious. He had looked away for a second to light up a cigarette and she had already found something that caught her interest in his sitting room, and it was exactly one of the things she should not come anywhere near. 

It was like the bloody woman could smell magic.

"An acquaintance asked me to isolate the components on this...formula"

It wasn´t a lie. Severus had plenty acquaintances and suppliers in all the potion and ingredient stores along Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley. Almost everyone in the Wizarding community thought him dead, but a selected few of his former ingredient suppliers were privy to his current status. Severus would occasionally visit their stores, incognito evidently, to buy ingredients and get information about the newest trends in potions making. 

One of these acquaintance had told him about that potion. 

At first glance it was regular Amortentia, but, in reality, it was a potent new form of it that was being sold illegally as of late. The very same potion as far as the general properties went, but with far more lasting and stable effects. It was more expensive, harder to achieve and so far nobody really knew which component was responsible for longer durability. Severus had asked a shopkeeper in Knockturn Alley to procure him a sample, so he could study it. 

A potion with a secret ingredient nobody could figure out. A complex formula he could analyze and pull apart was exactly what the doctor prescribed to kill Severus´ constant boredom.

"And what exactly is this? If I may ask..." She seemed truly interested. Well, Evelyn Black wasn´t all that different from himself: she too was easily interested on things she didn´t know. And Severus was willing to bet that, after an entire day working in a school full of brats, pretty much anything would excite her curiosity. Routine had that way of turning the silliest things into fascinating events.

"A perfume... The formula is being tested" He had no better lie to tell. The small, elegant bottle made of pale pink glass looked exactly like a muggle perfume bottle...to say anything else would be begging for her to suspect.

"Oh, really?" She smiled and Severus immediately regretted his lie. 

Women and cosmetics...Evelyn Black was even worse than most. He had had a glimpse a glimpse of the plethora of makeup items and cosmetics she kept on her dresser. It was enough to open a small shop. She had more lipsticks than he had potion vials; multiple shades and tones of the same colors, reds, dark pinks, nudes and plums. He saw nearly no difference among them, but to her each and every color was unique and essential to have. Not to mention those she kept in her purse at all times...It took a special kind of skill not to mentionsheer obsession to be able to put on full makeup inside a moving car, and yet he had seen her do it more than once. 

It was foolish of her, he thought. She didn´t need any of that...but you try and tell a woman she looks perfectly fine without makeup. Better yet, you try and tell Evelyn Black she looks perfectly fine without makeup, well tailored dresses and stiletto heels. Severus couldn´t quite decide whether it amused or aggravated him.

"Yes... But it´s being tested, so I´m afraid it´s not much of what one could call perfume, yet. But you were saying..." he tried to switch the conversation back to the mundane work-related problems she always discussed with him at the end of the day. But she wouldn´t stop eyeing the bottle. Indeed...curious like a cat. As popular clichés claim women tend to be. Evelyn Black was too much of a woman for her own (and his) sake.

"You mind if I..."She tentatively picked up the bottle, looking at him with pleading golden-brown eyes.

"It´s not safe, I´m afraid."

"Then..can I at least check the fragrance? I promise I won´t try it on."

"You won´t leave me alone till you do, are you?"

"Probably not." she laughed softly

"Fine...But whatever you do, do not touch the liquid inside. I mean it." Severus couldn´t believe himself. Had he just given a muggle permission to take a whiff on Amortentia? To what purpose? 

Morbid curiosity, or maybe...

He looked on as she opened the finely decorated lid and smelled the contents inside, eyes closed, inhaling deeply. It tooke her a few moments to open her eyes again...she seemed confused, troubled even.

"Is it supposed to smell like this?" She asked, almost timidly, a faint sheen of reddish-rose coloring her cheeks

"Like what?" he asked, curiosity killing his better judgement. It wasn´t right to ask her that.

"Like...old books, oak moss...and tobacco..."

Severus felt the sudden urge to put out his cigarette.

"Does it?"

"Here, try it!" She handed him the bottle.

Severus hesitated before breathing in the scent

Paper...Lady Grey tea...

...lavender.


	2. A call from mam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus gets a taste of what it is like to have an overbearing mother-in-law when Evelyn s mother decides to call them on a lazy sunday morning.

( March, 1999)

The blaring sound of the telephone startled him awake. 

Severus had lived his whole life mercifully spared from the sound of these annoying machines muggles used to communicate with each other. When he was a child his parents couldn´t afford one and as an adult he had no need for one. So, evidently the noise was still very foreign and unsettling for him. Specially so early in the morning, on a Sunday no less;

"Love?...Lyn...Lyyyyn...Evelyn.?.." he stirred but Evelyn barely moved an inch within his arms. He shook her lightly "...the phone"

It had to be for her. It was HER phone, by HER bed, in HER house. But she didn´t seem interested on waking up to get it. Severus felt half tempted to let it ring, but the sound was so grating he couldn´t. He shook her harder

"Bloody hell, are you dead, woman?" he grumbled "The soddin´phone...It has to be for...oh, nevermind...I´ll get it."

He struggled to untangle himself from the comfortable position he was in, with Evelyn´s soft body wrapped around him under the warm cocoon of covers, and reached for the nightstand.

"Yesss?!" he hissed into the receiver, too aggravated to be polite.

"Oh... My sincerest apologies." The voice on the other side of the line was a soft alto with a thick Irish accent. "I must have dialed the wrong number."

"Wha...I mean...Who is this?"

"I intended to call my daughter, but my eyes aren't getting any younger. So sorry to have woken you sir."

Oh. Fuck.

"Your...daughter?" Only then did Severus notice the voice on the other end of the like was uncanilly similar to Evelyn´s...Except Evelyn´s was significantly lower and smokier and her accent was much less pronounced. But the tone was the same.

Excellent. This was NOT how he was supposed to be introduced to her mother.

"Yes, my daughter - WHO IS THIS?!"

"Is your daughter by any chance Miss Evelyn Teresa Black?"

"Yes... Whjo am I speaking to?"

Oh, it kept getting better...

"Ma´am, calm down, please." he sat up and glanced over at Evelyn who was still sleeping so soundly he wondered if she had slipped into a coma "You have the correct number. I´ll pass you to your daughter."

'If I can wake her up', he muttered.

"WAKE HER - WHO ARE YOU?!"

'Shit did I say it out loud?'

"I..I´m your daughter´s...next door neighbour..." yeah, that sounded convincing. Not. 

"Oh... I see... and you are doing WHAT exactly at her's?!"

"Me? Uh...just...visiting." Smooth, Severus...very smooth.

"V-visiting... right... And is Evelyn aware of these visits!?"

"Excuse me, Mrs. Black...I assure you I´m not in the habit of entering anybody´s house without their express permission!"

"I see... Now may I please speak to Evelyn?"

"In a moment..."

"Evelyn!?" now he was plain shaking her "For the love of everything holy, did you die?! Your mother is on the bloody phone!"

Evelyn stirred and mumbled somthing he couldn´t understand, but didn´t seem in the mood to wake up.

"Sure, don´t mind me, take your time" he sneered before speaking into the receiver again "She´ll be right with you, Mrs. Black"

"Sev?" Evelyn finally opened her eyes and looked at him drowsy and confused "What happened, who died?"

"Nobody YET. Your MOTHER on the phone."

"OH, JESUS, FECK" she bolted upright and grabbed the phone from him "Hello, mam!"

"EVELYN! Oh thank Jesus! What is going on over there? WHO IS THAT MAN WHO ANSWERED?"

"That was Sev...eh, Severus. Severus Snape, I told you about him..."

"was that the bloke who saved youyou from that scoundrel months ago?!"

"THAT one!" a sigh of relief

"OH! And does he have bedbugs?! Or do you pay him to keep watch as a security system?!"

"Oh, maybe I should" she chuckled nervously

"So... he's there out of his own volition?! Alone! With you?"

"Uh...yes...he´s...visiting. As neighbours often do..."

"Interesting... interesting... So nothing to report from your end then?"

"I´m afraid not. But you´re the one who called, you tell me."

Severus pulled the covers up to his face...Knowing Evelyn this would take a while.

"Can't a mother call to check up on her child living alone in a heathen nation?!"

"Oh, but of course you can! I know you worry, mam, but I assure you I´m doing just fine. How about you? How are YOU doing?"

"I'm alright... B.B. had a visit with Dr. Brannon yesterday. Just a check up, vaccine boosters. Thinking of perhaps fumigating a bit by the chicken run...

"Oh, that´s wonderful, mam" Sophia had started to ramble about everything and nothing at all which was usually a good sign. She leaned back into the pillows and started to lazily play with his hair, just to annoy him. "What about gran, have you visited her lately?"

"your sister is taking us all to hers this afternoon for tea. Poor dear, this weather doesn't agree with her - seems to be driving her osteoarthritis mad, I daresay. She said her wrist swelled to the size of a hurling ball this week. But other than that, she's fine! Oh! Alice lost another tooth!"

"Oh, poor gran...I should call her. It´s been almost two weeks since I last spoken to her...Do remind Cat to send me a photo of Alice with her tooth gap, it´s the front one, right?"

"Bollocks, Lyn" Severus hissed from under the covers, she would not stop messing with his hair "lemme sleep"

"Yes, the second one in the bottom on the left this time. Oh! Is everything alright there?!"

"Yes, why?"

"I heard a noise. Did that boy go back to his own house yet?!"

"Uh, no...he´s...here"

"Well, he certainly is loud and uncouth!"

"Well your call woke...I mean...startled him. I mean...No, Severus is not any of those things, it´s just...Oh, mam, is a saturday morning, we´re just having the cráic, I´m sure you understand."

"Well, no I am afraid I don't understand - I am correct to assume he is there to help you around the house. RIGHT?! You are a lady, Evelyn!"

"No, he´s here because we´re friends, and friends visit each other..I t´s called socialization. You should know you have your own clique of friends, and they´re there all the time."

"He didn't exactly strike me as a social butterfly when he answered the telephone!"

"Well, he´s not exactly a morning person"

"Then what's he doing there so early?!"

"He...uh..." she internally cursed her own inability to lie properly "...I had a rat in the house..."

Severus´head emerged from uthe covers wearing an incredulous expression

"...is that the best you can come up with?" he mouthed before she shoved a pillow on his face to keep him quiet.

"Oh... Is that so! Well, of course that filthy country is overrun with them, what with all those plagues. I trust he got it out!? Do they sell poisons and traps there?!" Her mother kept on nagging "I can send you some and you can leave the poor boy to sleep till his heart's content..."

"Oh, they do, they do...I was JUST freaking out a bit, so I called him over to help. You know how much I hate rats, roaches and all these pests, they terrify me...There are certain things you really do need a man for."

Severus couldn´t help but snicker at that last remark.

"Right... let him do the dirty work then!"

"Oh, yes...He´s quite good at getting the dirty work done."

Severus had to laugh into the pillow.

"EVELYN! What the devil is going on there?!"

"What? Nothing!"

"SOMETHING is going on over there, I know it!I smell more than just a rat!"

"What could possibly be going on here other than what I just told you?"

"Oh I don't know... a strange man is sleeping in your house! Wouldn't it be easier to install an alarm system and be done with it?!"

"Severus is not a strange man, mam! He´s my...friend."

Severus looked up at her, whispering "Hasn´t she already figured it out by now?"

"Ohhh... A 'FRIEND' is it!? Evelyn... is he... you know?! Like Emmet?"

"Not to my knowledge...I mean...I haven´t asked."

"Ahaa... I see... You didn't really have to 'ask' Emmet though..."

"No, mam...He´s not gay."

"Wait, what?" Severus didn´t much care about keeping his laughter hushed tone now "I´m what?"

"And he looks out fer you without expecting anything in return?!" Jesus, her mother was relentless.

"Well...he does get things in return...I mean...I keep him company and we...have dinner sometimes...talk and..."

"...shag." he said, before crawling back ins the covers to avoid getting smacked with a pillow once more.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Sev...he´s just being silly, don´t mind him"

"Ahaaa... so you... feed him!?"

"Mam, he´s not a dog!"

"You did call me that last night, just to be fair." Evelyn heard from inside the covers.

"DOES HE ALWAYS SNICKER SNIDE REMARKS WHEN YOU SPEAK ON THE TELEPHONE!?"

"Uh...yes, he´s got a unique sense of humour...and yes, I cook for him sometimes...what of it?!"

"Evelyn, is there NOTHING to entertain yourself with in that God-forsaken country?"

"Yes, mam...there´s plenty ways to entertain myself here. Having guests home is one of them, as a matter of fact. I don´t see what´s the matter"

"I see... where exactly... does he sleep?!"

"WHAT!? Mother, why are you obssessed with the idea of Severus sleeping here? I never said he did!"

"Because I worry!"

"About?!"

"Weeeell... about you, of course! I'm your mother, it's my job to worry and know that I raised you right!"

"You did raise me right, and you have nothing to worry about, I assure you I´m not doing anything wrong and neither is Severus"

"What are we, 10?" Severus was considerably less amused now.

"Well... GOOD! Seeing as your poor sister is having a time getting back on her feet and all, sometimes I wonder!"

"You wonder? Dare I ask?"

"Well, things didn't go so smoothly with her, did they!?"

"Apples and oranges, mam."

"Regardless... She misses you. So do the girls... "

"I miss them as well...And I miss you too, even if every time we talk you must interrogate me like that."

"EVELYN! I DON'T INTERROGATE! I'm simply looking out for your well-being!"

"I know you are, mam. But there´s nothing to worry about."

"Except rats, maybe" Severus offered.

"Well... good! AND RATS?! I HEARD THAT!"

"T´was a joke, mam."

"Indeeeed... Well your sister and the girls are due over any minute. I shall leave you to escort Severus back to his, then!? "

"Kiss them for me, will ya? I promise I´ll be coming home over summer, as soon as the semester is over."

"Of course I will, sweetheart! Will Severus be coming too?" she was kidding...right?

"I dunno...do you want him to? Because that can be arranged"

"Well, it would be an honour to meet the man who saved my daughter's life, aye!?"

"I´m sure he´d be delighted to meet you" 

"EXCELLENT! I'll start making preparations as soon as possible!"

"That´s wonderful, mam" She was now wondering if Sophia only called to enquire about Severus after all

"It is, isn't it!? Well... I'll leave you be, for now... "

"Ok, mam. Love you."

"Love you too... Give Severus my regards as well, will you?"

"I will. Bye."

"Slán!"

...

"Your mother seems like an interesting character." He finally reemerged.

"Shuddup" she grumbled

"You could just tell her about us, you know?"

"It´s complicated."

"I gathered that much."

"Just go back to sleep before I kick you off the bed, ok?"


	3. It was Valentine´s Day and he should have done something.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February of 1999. Severus never cared for Valentine´s Day. But this year is different. And it´s much more than a date in a calendar (Takes place during the events of Chapter 2 of “Post War: Part 9- Sweeter than Roses”. TWs: grieving/bereavement, death of a loved one)

February, 14th , 1999.

 

Valentine´s Day never had any sort of particular meaning for Severus. At best it was a day like any other, at worst a nuisance. Through his years of teaching, the date had been nothing but a dreadful day in which students were more restless and unfocused than usual, and ridiculous teenage dramatics got in the way of his scheduled activities. Even six years later Severus still physically cringed at the memory of Lockhart´s Valentine´s Day antics, the lurid pink decorations and the grotesque idea of having dwarves dress like cupids and go into the classes to deliver valentines, to the whole staff´s utter annoyance. But even before that particularly absurd little footnote in Hogwarts´otherwise prestigious history, Severus had never had any love lost for that gracelessly saccharine pseudo-celebration of love and romance. He found it utterly offensive to take a such a serious concept as "love" and attach it to the sheer mediocrity of gaudy pink and red paper hearts and cards, garish chocolate boxes and sparkly wine of dubious quality.

Any enthusiast of the date would probably point out that his disdain for Valentine´s Day was purely due to the fact that he never had any reason to celebrate it and nobody to celebrate it with. And that would be at least in part correct, he had to admit. But it was different this year.

Not that he had suddenly had an epiphany and found himself willing to get into the Valentine´s Day spirit. No, not at all. The entire atmosphere of the season was just as off-putting to him as it was before. And yet, there he was...worried because it was Valentine´s Day and he felt like he should have done something. Severus hadn´t even remembered it was Valentine´s Day before the morning newspaper had reminded him. He had never truly paid any attention. Unless something like Lockhart´s extravaganza or his students´histrionics reminded him, Severus normal went about February 14th without as much as acknowledging the date at all.

But of course, now he had a girlfriend. Severus had some difficulty with the idea, the word in on itself. Words like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” felt so juvenile, so silly. The concept of “dating” only summoned the idea of teenage trepidation and awkwardness. But even if he hesitated to give it a name, Severus and Evelyn had something. Something that was deeper than the word “dating” could ever hope to convey. Calling Evelyn his “girlfriend” felt lacking, trivial, it felt like entirely too little when the connection between them felt so much more intense than the adolescent feelings the words 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' seemed to evoke. “Lover” didn´t quite cover it, either, but it it came very close. It did, however, carry a twang of sexuality that Severus hesitated to completely claim just yet.

It was ridiculous really. That he couldn´t bring himself to cross that bridge. When every single interaction they had was so loaded with lust, when they constantly engaged on nearly everything that any adult with a modicum for experience would rightful acknowledge as sex, except for that one thing. That he somehow couldn´t breach that final barrier, that his mind blocked his way at every turn. None of that negated that Evelyn was his lover. None of that negated the profound affection and unmitigated desire that bound them to one another, the near-madness with which they sought each other, regardless of Severus´fears and hesitations.

They were, all things considered and in spite of his own shortcomings, lovers. So, obviously, societal pressures obliged that he had the courtesy to at least consider Valentine´s Day as part of everything that came with having a lover. A minor contractual detail in the grand scheme of the more overriding bond between them.

Severus honestly didn´t believe Evelyn was the kind of woman who give much importance to the traditional rituals of Valentine´s Day. She was much too sensible for that sort of thing. And like Severus himself, the entire concept of romantic love carried a more intense, heavier resonance to her, she also saw it as something too grand to fit a chocolate box or a glass of wine. He knew that much. But he also knew Evelyn wasn´t above celebrating little silly commemorative dates just for the fun of it. She liked to mark special dates on the calendar if anything for the opportunity to enjoy herself, to drink, to eat, to laugh. It was part of what made her so alluring to him, that could be at once so emotionally intense and self-possessed, and still find such unequivocal, child-like joy in just about anything in life no matter how small; Severus never ceased to be amazed by how unafraid of her own feelings and desires she could be at times.

Severus opened the door to her house and found the living room empty. It was still early, maybe she had decided to sleep in today. Valentine´s Day had fallen on a Sunday this year. It would have been easier if it was a regular weekday. Evelyn would have gone to work and all he´d have to do was take her somewhere nice for dinner afterwards, and his little petty dilemma would be solved. But no; it was Sunday morning, and he didn´t have as much as a gift, or any idea of a grand gesture that could reasonably show her he cared enough to mark the date. She did tell him she wanted no gifts, no celebration. That they should just have a relaxing Sunday. 

Why should they worry about doing anything other than enjoy each other´s company. Evelyn had argued, when she was so overworked and tired and Severus had been travelling for work so frequently they didn´t see each other for days on end.Meeting up with Shafiq, Potter, Weasley and Granger in the Hogwarts library to search for clues on the whereabouts of Slytherin´s dagger was certainly 'work' in some capacity, but not in the way Evelyn thought. As far as she knew Severus had been going to London to participate on governmental scientific research. It wasn´t exactly a lie, but it wasn´t the truth either. 

In any case, Severus knew most people, particularly women, don´t usually mean it when they say things like “no gifts this year, love” or “let´s just stay home and relax, all restaurants will be packed anyway”. Those were small social codes that couples felt compelled to perform, small pleasantries designed to make the gift-giving ceremony feel more genuine and spontaneous. Like a well choreographed dance.

Strange that she wasn´t up yet. Even on Sundays she woke up early. Today was a bit too cold and wet outside for her usual morning run, but Severus had expected her to at least be awake, having some tea in the kitchen or on the sofa reading, cocooned inside a blanket, as she usually did on rainy, cold Sundays mornings. Severus himself being very much not a morning person, found the prospect of finding her still in bed actually exciting. Sneaking under her covers for a morning session of lazy pillow talk, and hopefully something more felt like a very enticing way to spend the morning, he thought, climbing up the stairs.

“I wish I could be with you” Severus heard her voice as he approached the door with feather-light steps. “I promise I´ll go as soon as I can. I´ve just been so busy with work and everything else.”

Evelyn was in bed as he expected. Still in her nightgown, under the covers, sitting up with her back rested on the headboard, talking on the phone and wearing a pained expression on her face as she looked out the window. He could see all the tiny signs of discomfort he had learned to read over the course of weeks sharing his days with her. Severus knew when she was sad or frustrated just by the way she bit her lower lip or ran her fingers nervously through her hair. How she fidgeted with whatever object was within easy reach of her fingers, and how her eyes immediately looked for open windows as if the mere sight of the sky and the suggestion of open air was enough to calm her nerves. Evelyn was a creature of the outdoors. She was only ever completely in peace when vastness surrounded her. The sea, the sky, the Burren and valleys of her homeland. When stuck inside the walls of a house in times of distress, she would always look out, to where vastness gazed back at her, kind and welcoming.

It was foolish of him, but he decided to stay outside and listen in. He shouldn´t. It was nonsense, but Severus couldn´t help the fact that those words gave him pause. 'I wish I could be with you'. It´s got to be her mother, he told himself, chasing any stupid paranoid notions from his head.

“No, I´m not working too much, I promise. I guess I could take a weekend and go see you. I´m worried.” she continued.

Severus glued his back to the wall.

“I wish I had called before...I doesn´t feel like it´s been a year. Sometimes I forget. Maybe is because I´m away. Ask Cat to go to the cemetery with you, mam, please. I don´t want you being there alone. I don´t even think you should be in the house all alone...Don´t be stubborn. I´m sure Cat can spare an hour to go with you. Or ask one of your friends from church. Yes, do that, grandma Liz will love if you go over there.”

Her mother, as Severus suspected. He felt compelled to go in, but something held him back. Curiosity, maybe. One year of what? And what was this about a cemetery. It was only when Evelyn´s voice started to sound muddled with the liquid sound of crying that he finally remembered.

“I miss him too. I know we don´t talk about it but... You have no idea how much I´ve needed him these past few months. It´s been difficult. Don´t worry, mam...Everything is better now. I think...I think I´m happy. Or getting there. It´s been a while but I feel it. I just wish he was here. So much has happened, and I can´t tell him. I miss talking to him.”

Severus searched his memory for the details, but Evelyn had never told him the exact day he had passed away, only that it had been in the beginning of 1998, a few days short of his birthday. She had mentioned once he was a Pisces, and if Severus correctly recalled any of Sybil´s yapping about zodiacal signs, then his birthday would have been somewhere between mid February and mid-March. Dates aside, however, Severus knew good and well those tears and those broken words could only mean one thing.

It was her father she was talking about. 

Should he go in or would he be intruding into something that was too intimate, too painful for him to share, even if he warher boyfriend, lover or whatever he decided to call himself. He kept listening in but all he could hear was crying and broken sentences, as if she couldn´t find the voice to finish her words. 

“I´m sorry...I didn´t mean to.” a sad little laugh broke between the sobs “I´m such a mess. I called because I was worried you´d be feeling down and I end up sobbing on the phone. Some idiot I am... I´m sorry, mam... I promise I´ll go as soon as I can. I´ll be fine, don´t worry. But I don´t want you to be alone, you hear me? Call me if you need. I´ll be home all day.”

There was a moment of silence, and all Severus heard was the rustle of the sheets and covers. Without even looking he could see her getting up and walking up to the window, reaching for air, for the sky, for the vastness to embrace her. Severus had no idea of what he should do other than go into the room and hope she´d let him stay and share her pain.

Evelyn didn´t hear him when he walked up to her. She was crying too hard, too engulfed in her own anguish. She didn´t move when he called her name, she didn´t turn when he touched her back with the tips of his fingers.

“Lyn...Are you ok?” he let out, not knowing what else to say

As if the sound of his voice had broken a spell, Evelyn turned to him. Her brown eyes were bloodshot and bleary, stripped of their usual sparkle, her face was flushed, washed in tears, tense. She looked so utterly lost and dazed, Severus was taken aback. She didn´t seem surprised to see him standing there. She didn´t say anything. She simply walked into his arms and rested her head on his chest, so fragile and trusting, so unlike herself it was heartbreaking. 

Severus held her as close as he could, as tight as he could, hoping that maybe his arms could keep her from breaking into pieces. 

“Shhh...It´s ok, love....I´m here.” Severus had never seen her cry like this. Like her air was running out, like she was drowning in her own tears. “I´m here.”

It was Valentine´s Day and he should have done something. He didn´t know what, though. He never cared for Valentine´s Day. What could he have done? Some grand gesture, an impressive gift, dinner somewhere expensive, a box of chocolates at least.

“I miss him so much...” she mumbled with a tiny little girl voice that wasn´t hers, her fingers clutching at his shirt. 

“I know, love...I know.” Severus answered, pressing his lips top the top of her head and rubbing slow circles on her back, feeling her ragged breath calm down little by little under the palm of his hands. 

It was Valentine´s Day and he should have done something. He didn´t know what. He never cared for Valentine´s Day. But as he held Evelyn to his chest and weathered the storm of her grief, Severus knew what she wanted him to do...what she needed him to do.

So he simply kept on holding her, as he would for as long as she needed him, for as long as she would have him. And he didn´t worry about Valentine´s Day anymore.


	4. Interlude I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Expanded bathroom scene from chapter Chapter 59 of “Post War” (Part 9 - "Sweeter than Roses",Chapter 5). 
> 
> Severus teaches Evelyn a little lesson about doubting his loyalty to her (all in good fun). 
> 
> Warnings: Contains graphic descriptions of consensual sex, mild dominance play, edging and Severus Snape in a nightshirt. 
> 
> PWP with references to chapter 59.

...

“That tickles” Evelyn squirmed, feeling Severus stubble brush against her neck. He looked at her through the bathroom mirror with those deep dark eyes of his, with that unblinking intensity that made her feel completely bare. She put her toothbrush away and melted into his embrace, running her hands along his forearms as the closed about her waist. He leaned into her, nuzzling her hair and softly sucking at the skin of her neck, still holding her gaze through the reflection.

“I forgot to shave this morning.” She raised a hand and touched his face, lightly scratching the stubble that shaded his jaw.

“You would look handsome with a beard.”

“You think?”

“I do.”

“I suppose it would hide the scars”

“That´s not what I meant, though. You have strong, bold features. A beard would compliment them. Or a goatee, this way I could still see the scars. You´d look very...I don´t know....worldly”

“ 'Bold features' sounds like a polite way of pointing out I have a big nose.” he laughed

“You do have a big nose” she smiled, running a finger down the bridge of his nose till the tip “And I love it.”

“There are worse fetishes out there.”

Evelyn pulled him into a kiss. Eyes closed, she could only feel his hands grab her hips. She pushed her ass up against his crotch, swaying her hips slowly. He pulled the nightgown up and pushed forward, trapping her between his body and the sink.

“Sev?” she muttered, opening her eyes again to look at the reflection of the two of them on the mirror.

“Yes?”

“You think she´ll like me?”

“Who?” he muttered, not really paying much attention, more preoccupied with pushing her hair out of the way so he could nibble at the back of her neck.

“Minerva. You think she´ll like me?”

Severus stopped and spun her around to face him, a soft smile gracing his lips.

“ ´Like you'? Lynz, Minerva is already pestering me about having babies with you.”

“That sounds like something a mother would say.”

“Well, that´s Minerva for you. And don´t worry. She already loves you.”

“She doesn´t even know me, how can she love me?”

“She believes you´ve saved me from myself. She´s right, you know?”

His lips pressed against hers, slowly, smoothly, deliberately.

“So..” she asked when his mouth broke away from hers for a moment “you´re planning to shag me up against the sink, or in bed like a proper gentleman?”

“Propriety is overrated.”

"There was a time you WERE a proper gentleman, whatever happened to that?"

"You happened."

“Me? Poor innocent me?”

“Yes, 'poor innocent you´” he snickered “And then you dare to even think I could have another woman, after you so thoroughly spoiled me. You should know better.”

Evelyn had a witty rebuke ready, but it got lost somewhere along the way between her brain and her mouth when he leaned in again, his lips barely touching hers. That sweet moment of anticipation. He always did it the same way, that light touch and some carelessly thrown remark, a quip to lull her into relaxing so he could drop all pretence of chivalry. Then he´d plant one of those messy, devouring kisses on her. One of those kisses that said “I´m about to fuck the life out of you and you´ll thank me for it afterwards” 

That was all it took. She shouldn´t make it so easy for him, but the moment Severus pulled that move on her, she was entirely his to do whatever he felt like.

She knew what was coming, and yet he breath was still hitched when he did it. It still caught her off guard, it still made her flush and shiver. At first, Evelyn had expected that intensity to wear off eventually, but now she very much doubted it ever would. The marks his fingers on her buttocks and the purplish love bites on her inner thighs (he was still enough of a gentleman to never leave marks where they could be seen in public) had taught her one thing about Severus Snape: familiarity made him bolder, hungrier.

“I may be getting addicted to you instead” he had told her in jest just a few days before, when she had noticed he was smoking less. Locked between the cold marble of the sink and the warmth of Severus´body, feeling the hardness of his cock press against her through the fabric of his nightshirt, Evelyn actually wondered if he had truly meant that as a joke.

Evelyn felt cool air touch the flushed skin of her chest. She shivered, only then realizing she was bare from the waist up, the straps of her nightgown resting about her elbows. She whimpered when his lips left hers, to close upon one of her breasts. It was calculated the way he did it, but there was no finesse to it. His right hand holding her in place, sprawled across the side of her ribcage like the paw of a lion holding down his prey before sinking teeth into the flesh, while the left hand, the one he couldn´t quite close, rested on her back. And in between there was only the feel of his lips, his tongue and his teeth as they switched from on one breast to the other, sucking and nibbling on her flesh with such focused intent she felt like he was about to actually eat her.

Evelyn leaned back, resting her head on the mirror, closed her eyes and ran her fingers through his hair. The sound of her own moans and mumbling echoed on the walls and reached her ears like something foreign. She had barely any idea of what she was saying, but she knew at least half of it would have made a sailor blush.

Severus raspy chuckle rumbled across her skin. She finally brought herself to open her eyes and look at him. He pulled her away from the sink with both hands about her hips, eyes boring into hers so intensely it was almost uncomfortable.

“Turn around” he ordered, more nicely than she had expected.

“So this is how we´re playing now?” she laughed, turning her back to him as she was told.

“We´re not playing, love.”

Facing the mirror again, Evelyn could see her own reflection, flushed and half naked. She watched as Severus undressed and tossed his nightshirt to the side, her eyes eagerly following the path of the veins on his hands and arms, the scars running across the skin, taut over tense, wiry muscles. Severus leaned in, holding her gaze through the reflection. He ran the tips of his fingers down her arm, and lightly kissed her shoulder, pushing her hair out of the way. Evelyn held on to the sink with both hands, pushing her arse up against his crotch.

She could feel the shivers running down her spine and the wet warmth pooling between her legs as Severus kisses moved from her shoulders to the back of her neck then between her shoulder blades. He pulled the hem of her nightgown up, leaving her entirely exposed and nudged her legs further apart with his knee, then gently pushed her upper body forward, so she was bent about the waist with her forehead rested on the mirror. Evelyn closed her eyes and braced to feel him push inside of her.

“You...sodding fucker” Evelyn yelped and almost laughed when she felt his breath between her thighs and his teeth nibbling right at that delicate curve where they joined her bottom. His hands sprawled over her buttocks, spreading them. She could almost feel his smile before he dragged his tongue along the engorged folds of her sex. The stubble on his face was prickly against her. It added to the sensation as his tongue worked around, tasting her.

Severus took his time, certainly amused by how frustrated he could get her, before going all in.

“Good God” she hissed when pushed his face entirely up against her, licking and sucking at her clitoris in the loudest, sloppiest way he could, as if he wanted her to hear just as clearly as she could feel what he was doing to her. She stuck her arse out as far as she could to give him space to work. He held her in place as he gave her sex a near animalistic version of all the slow, deliberate kiss he had given her before. Somewhere in there, between the roughness of his beard and the slickness of his tongue, she could feel him nuzzle her, as if trying to inhale her scent. Severus sure knew how to show his appreciation when he got a compliment. She´d make sure to remind him how much she liked his nose more often.

He had brought her nearly to the brink of the cliff, but wouldn´t allow her to jump over. Not just yet, and certainly not without him. Evelyn saw him rise back to his feet through the reflection, making a scene of wiping his mouth before leaning over her again. She didn´t know how he had managed to last so long, but there it was, still as rock hard ads before, pressing up against her.

“Is it fun, torturing me?” she asked, only half joking. She knew what this was about. He had laughed off that misunderstanding with the letter earlier, but the way he was going about this, purposely denying her release, slowly taking her to the edge and back..there was a clear message to it. She got it.

“Dramatic are we?” he smirked and entered her in one smooth, wet stroke. Evelyn hissed at the pressure, trying to relax and keep her legs apart to accommodate him.

The way he grunted with pure, sheer relief the moment his cock was sheathed inside her was almost enough to send her over the edge. Severus had been holding on for too long. He started to pound her almost immediately. She smiled at her own reflection. The poor dear, he looked as if he was about to blow any second, she thought, studying his frown on the mirror as he rested his head in the crook of her neck and fucked her hard and fast. Evelyn didn´t know what was more pleasurable, the feeling of Severus moving or simply watching him loose himself into his own pleasure. Severus always made such a spectacle of how stoic and calculating he could be, of how he could take control and play with her, delay her climax for as long as he felt like, but in the end none of that mattered. It always ended with him surrendered to pleasure and unable to play his own games anymore.

She felt Severus pull her hips even further back, almost knocking her off balance. She saw him shift, push himself up, never breaking pace, then rest a hand on the mirror for support. It took her a moment to register what he was doing, but it hit her when the pace got faster and rougher, and she felt...

That.

“...th...ugh...there...God, yes...” she barely managed, desperate to let him know that right there, that was the spot.

He knew.

Somehow he always knew.

Maybe he really could read her mind. 

Next thing she knew that familiar, all consuming eruption shook her at the core.

It spread like wildfire from where his body joined with hers then it ran cross every last centimetre of her body. She was overwhelmingly aware of Severus still thrusting through the clenching and spamming of her muscles.

Her climax was slowly giving way to that liquid, viscous feeling of comforting satisfaction when she felt him tip over the edge right after her, growling, his fingers grabbing at her hair and his face buried into her neck, the beard tickling and scratching. She went limp, collapsing in a puddle of ragged nerves and trembling muscles.

 

...

 

“Did I doze off?” she asked, opening her eyes to see him laying by her side, resting on his elbow. Evelyn was so exhausted she didn´t even see when Severus had put her to bed.

“For a little while” he told her with a smile.

“How?” she mumbled.

“How what?”

“How do you do ...whatever the hell that was?”

“You should be familiar with the mechanics of orgasms by now, love.”

“You´re such a smug wanker, I swear...You know what I meant. And don´t make that tired joke about being a wizard.”

“Shame. I had a great magic wand pun to go with it this time around.”

“Of course you did.” she laughed softly, raising a hand to scratch the stubble on his cheek before falling asleep again.


	5. The Watcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It watches.

Severus didn´t notice it at first.

  
He was too caught up in the moment, too drunk in the euphoria of finally having Evelyn all to himself. How could it be any different? He had fought it for far too long, so when could finally give free reign to fantasies only dared dream of, then everything around him disappeared. The world could have come to an end and he wouldn´t have noticed. But as the days and nights passed, and the comforting familiarity set in and that sense of home set in, deeper and sweeter than the inordinate lust of the first encounters..then he noticed.

  
He was being watched.

  
He could feel eyes following him as he went about his everyday activities, reading, studying, working. It was a subtle feeling, something he could ignore and brush aside, unless Evelyn was around. Whenever he sat on the couch and pulled her into a more intimate embrace, whenever he kissed her, whenever he joined her in bed... Then he could feel that pair of curious, perhaps jealous eyes staring at him. He started to pay attention.

 

And now here he was.

  
It was a lazy Friday night. They had watched some films and talked about everything and nothing throughout the evening. Severus knew what came next. Week nights were for nice, comforting, uneventful lovemaking. Weekend nights, however...Weekend nights were for the ritual, for the slow and calculated foreplay, the drawn out build-up and intense, mind bending release. Week nights were for quiet ejoyment. Weekend nights were for sweet, sweet debauchery.

  
The TV I their bedroom was still on. Some French film he cared nothing for, just distant noise. The need to feel the touch of each other´s skin was too urgent to bother to turn it off. Severus had just started the holy ceremony of kissing the galaxy of Evelyn´s freckles, and paying reverent homage to every curve of her body...when he felt it.

  
That watching gaze upon him.

  
He looked over his shoulder, knowing it would be there.

  
“Severus, what´s the matter with you?”

  
“The bloody cat is staring again.”


	6. Just enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus needs reassurance. (NSFW, PWP, angst, spanking, dark thoughts, mentions of domestic violence)

It all started with some playful, inconsequential flirting.

Severus never thought of himself as capable of being 'playful' or 'flirty'. Then again he didn´t remember a day in his life when being in love didn´t also hurt. Maybe that was the reason he had been so drunk on Evelyn, so inebriated by everything they did together. He had no frame of reference for being in love as a a fun, pleasurable experience. He had no recollection of sex being something done with joy, something he didn´t feel dirty for doing. He had only loved one woman before Evelyn waltzed into his life and made a home of it, and that woman had never seen him as anything other than a friend at best and a disppointment at worse, a nuisance occasionaly. 

Sex had never been something he did as a reafirmation of affection, but as a way of punishing himself, or getting fast relief for his frustrations. There was never any connection, any concern. It was a bodily function, something he did because his body could do it. Because it made him forget for a few minutes, It was only at age 39 that he finally found himself able connect lust and love.

And that connection was embodied in Evelyn Black. 

For the life of him Severus had no idea what this woman could possibly see in him, but he was thankful. At first, he had readily accepted Evelyn as a close friend. They had enough common interests and enough differences to make everyday coexistence as neighbours and friends something natural, expected even. That he found himself desiring her wasn´t any surprise either. She was desirable, and he had been alone for far, far too long. As their relationship steadily developed into something more, however, he found himself at a complete loss as to exactly why.

The experience of loving and desiring was familiar to him, but being loved or desired was foreign, even a little awkward. 

Once he stopped questioning and embraed it instead, Severus was thrown into something not unlike a state of altered conscience. And he found himself behaving in ways he never did before. But of course, as Minerva would often remind him with a victorious smile on her lips, he´d never been in this situation before. How was he supposed to know how he would act when he was happy, if he didn´t recall a time he was happy before? The precious few years he and Lily had been friends were as close to it as he could get, but it was all marred by the presence of his father, of James Potter, of Sirius Black, but most of all it was by the sense of underlying heartbreak that even as a child he could feel regarding his feelings for Lily. He remembered being sure, even as a boy and before he knew what romantic love was, that he was falling for her, and knownig beforehand, like a fullfilling prophecy, that she wouldn´t love him back. So he never told her. He never even tried.

With Evelyn it had been different. They were both adults. They were both in a stage in their lives where they had the clarity of wanting openly, of desiring openly. No games, no schoolyard gossip, no friends and enemies to get in their way. It was just the two of them, they loved each other, and they were grown enough to own their love and live it as they wished. 

That was new to him. That freedom. 

Of course he had never behaved like this, but that didn´t change the fact that the Severus Snape who smiled, laughed, who went out to the cinema or to restaurants, who picked Evelyn up from work at the end of every day, who travelled with her, who made love to her most nights...that Severus Snape was still him. It was just that he never had the chance to freely be like that before. 

Sometimes however, he did things that surprised him a bit. Things he didn´t know he had in him. 

It always started with something innocent, something inocuous.

It was a quiet weekday evening when Severus had gone into her office, in her house. He enjoyed spending time there when she was working. He would always bring a book with him or borrow one from her bookcase, and sometimes he brought some tea or coffe for both of them. Then he would sit on the small loveseat she had there, a comfortable and graceful little piece of faux-rococo style furniture she had brought from her old Dublin apartment. He read while she worked on an article, lecture or whatever it was that she happened to be doing. It was a pleasant little routine, just sitting there in silence listening to the rustling of her papers, feeling the comfort of her presence so close.

Evelyn was distracted, looking for something in a pile of photocopies when he came in. She didn´t hear him, of course. Severus had never quite shaken off his penchant for walking in a room without making his presence known, with silent steps and light feet. He didn´t think much anything of it when he decided to approach her from behind and startle her. It was a silly, spur of the moment thing. A little joke. There was definetly nothing sexual in it when he approached and gave her a slight smack on the side of her hip, when she was bent over to pick up a fallen piece of paper. There really wasn´t. He didn´t think it would lead to where it did. 

Severus had expected her to startle, maybe laugh, maybe get a little annoyed. What he didn´t expect was that little moan she let out when his hand smacked her over the thin layer of her leggings. He certainly didn´t expect it to send a shiver down his spine either.

Severus should have known by now. He knew Evelyn enough to know she would find a way to turn it on him, to make him squirm.

“Do that again...but harder.”

Severus didn´t know what to do with himself.

There were things he never thought he would be doing as far as sex went, specially not anything like this. He tried to ignore the seed that had been planted, but the request popped up again. In bed. Right in the middle of it. More than once.

“What are you afraid of? Enjoying it?” she teased him.

She was right.

He was.

There were a great many things about himself Severus was afraid of. There was a reason he tried his best to keep tight control over his feelings, over his actions. Because he knew there was a darkness there that needed to be kept under control, stiffled. It crept up to the surface sometimes, and it scared him when it did. 

Evelyn did bring up some of his best qualities; qualities he didn´t even think he had in him. It was probably the fact that she had no expectations from him. When they met, Evelyn didn´t know he was a wizard, and she surely didn´t know he had been a Death Eater, or a spy, or any of the things people tended to see in him before they actually saw him. Evelyn got to see the man first, without any of the ugliness that came with. So she had seen whatever good he still had left in him, undeanearth it all.

It scared him that he loved this woman so much, that he would do anyting within his power to make sure she was safe and happy, and yet the her mere touch could arouse things in him that he felt were beyond his control. 

“What are you afraid of? Enjoying it?”

He was.

Because sometimes he enjoyed it a little too much. Manhandling her. Pulling her hair. Leaving marks on her. Fucking her hard and rough. Sometimes he enjoyed it a little too much how it felt to have her at his mercy, pinned under his body. To hear her beg for release. He enjoyed it a little to much and he wondered. He wondered how much of it was harmless fun, and how much of it was inner darkness creeping up from beneath the surface. He was afraid of losing control, of hurting her. He was afraid of the fact that she enjoyed it, that she egged him on. 

“Do that again, but harder.” 

That request had send a jolt of adrenaline through his body. He wanted to. He wanted to hear that low, husky moan come from her lips again. He wanted it.

The sensible part of his brain knew it was just a harmless game. Couples did it all the time. It didn´t necessarily mean anything. But there´s was abridge to be crossed between what he could do without feeling some kind of way and this. It all boiled down to control. How much could he control himself. 

Severus remembered he had almost lost it in Spain. That night in the tablao flamenco, after he saw her dance. He didn´t recognise himself in the way he had pulled her out into an alley and pushed her against a wall. He would have fucked her right there, standing up, in some dark corner in a city he had never been to, in a foreign country he had never been to, with tourists dancing and drinking just a few feet away, well within earshot. He would have done it, he was ready to do it. Worse still, Evelyn seemed tempted to just let him. He saw it in her eyes. When he asked her if she wanted, it had taken her a moment. A moment in which she really did consider. When she asked to go back to the hotel, however, he had the presence of mind of releasing her immediately, recomposing himself and hailing a cab.

Severus didn´t quite know what fear was that precisely. That one day, one night, he might lose himself? That one day he might hurt her? 

There was a line between what they normaly did and actualy raising his hand on her, even if it was playful, even if it was for pleasure. It just wasn´t that simple. It wasn´t just a harmless game for him. 

Some days Severus could close his eyes at night and still feel the dry blow of Tobias´belt against his skin. He could still feel the burn of the leather. He still carried the scars. Worst still, he could still hear the hard smack of his hands on his mother´s flesh. Somehow that hurt more. Severus could forgive Tobias for his own scars, if he had tried. But he couldn´t forgive him for Eileen´s scars. 

Severus knew deep inside Tobias had never wanted him, had never wanted a child that was like him. But Tobias had wanted Eileen once. He had loved her once. Sometimes Severus wondered if Tobias had stopped loving his mother when he was born. That child he didn´t want, who was so different from him, so irreconcilably unlike him that Tobias had to strain to show him an ounce of effection. He had chosen Eileen to marry. But Severus? No, Severus Tobias was stuck with from the moment he was born. 

Some nights Severus could still hear his mother screaming, imploring him to stop. Then he asked himself why. Why did he do it?...Severus knew he had been a dissapointment to his father. He knew why Tobias couldn´t find it him to love him. But her? Why her? Why did he do it to her? How could his father beat his mother to the point of drawing blood, and then, hours later, sobered up, tell her he loved her? 

And she believed him. And so it all started again.

Severus couldn´t help but let those thoughts, those sounds flood his mind every now and then. They were part of him. Of who he was. Of the darkness inside of him. It would never go away, regardless of whatever good Evelyn saw there.

“What are you afraid of? Enjoying it?”

“Maybe...”

Maybe Tobias enjoyed what he did to Severus´mother. Maybe that was the reason he did it. Maybe that was the reason she let him.

“Sev...” 

Another night. Another night he couldn´t get that out of his head. Another night Evelyn, in the heat of the moment, said things and asked for things that lit a fire within him, and scared him half to death. Her back was damp, sweaty, pressed against his chest, as he moved inside of her at a savage pace, the wetness tight and gripping around his cock. His fingers tangled through her hair, he pulled, exposing her neck to his teeth. She hissed, she moaned, she begged. 

She asked for it again. 

Severus could feel his body tense, he felt his control sliping. 

“Do it, please...”

He shivered. 

“Stop it.”

“Please.”

“Fuck, Evelyn, stop.”

Severus leaned over her, on top of her, thrusting into her, pinning her into the mattress. Hard, fast, erratic. One..two...three...Evelyn pressed her legs tight together, strangling his cock, squeezing his release out of him. Pulsing, begging. Her moans were muffled by his hand over her mouth. Severus didn´t know why he did it. Maybe so she wouldn´t say it again. He would finish too soon if she said it again. He couldn´t take it. But she had already said it. She had asked for it. Severus finished, coming inside her with a low, tormented growl.

“What´s the matter?” she asked, as soon as it was all done, and they lay wrapped into each other, spent, catching breath, his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close, as his now limp cock slid out of her body.

“What are you talking about?”

“What just happened now?”

“Evelyn...”

“Talk to me” she smiled, turning around and pushing a lock of his hair away from his face. 

“There´s nothing to talk about.”

“Sev...what is it that you´re afraid of?”

“I just don´t feel particularly inclined to smack you around as we shag. I assume that´s perfectly normal, no?”

“That´s not what I wanted.”

“Lynz, come on.”

“It´s not the same thing, you know?”

“I never said it was.”

“But you have that nagging you, inside your head don´t you?”

“Who´s the mind reader now?”

“If it was just a matter of you not wanting to try something you would have just told me.You wouldn´t be like this.”

“What would you like me to do then?”

“Stop acting like I´m made of glass and you´re afraid of breaking me.”

“That´s not it...”

Evelyn untangled herself from his arms and sat up, covering herself with the sheets, however she could in the mess that was their bed. Severus felt the urge to smoke a cigarrette, but decided against it. He didn´t feel like getting up, his limbs still heavy. He did, however, sit up next to her, his back resting against the headboard.

“Sometimes I feel like you´re punishing yourself.” she told him, laying her head on his shoulder.

“What nonsense is that, Lynz?”

“You keep denying yourself the things you want. And I know you want them.”

“Are you really psychoanalyzing me just because I refused to smack your arse in the middle of sex?” he smirked.

“Is not just that. Every time I suggest something different, it feel like you need to battle with your own conscience to feel 'allowed' to do it. Is not that you don´t want, but...you act like you don´t have permission.”

“What´s the matter with setting some boundries?”

“None whatsoever. But we need to talk about them first, before setting them.”

“Ok, what is it that you want to talk about then?”

Evelyn went quiet for a moment. Then she moved. She tossed the sheets away and climbed on top of him, straddling him. Severus sat back and let her, taking in the sight of her above him, hair toussled, body still glistening with a fine layer of clean sweat, her naked body still bearing the signs of their lovemaking, the love bites on her neck and shoulders, the marks of his fingers where they gripped her hips, the flush on her cheeks, over her breasts. Evelyn was beautiful in any way one looked at. But there was something breathtaking and majestic about her when she stood before him unadorned, undressed, wearing nothing but her own nudity and her own beauty, her hair for a crown and her freckles for jewelry. 

Severus let her kiss him, slow and sweet, calm and reassuring. The she pulled back and caught his left hand on hers. That hand that didn´t quite work, half dead, with its semi-paralyzed fingers, broken nerves and torn tendons. That useless hand that forced him to rely on his wand for even the smallest tasks. She took his hand and brought it to her lips, lovingly kissing the knuckles, the mangled fingers, her eyes never leaving his.

“I love you. And I trust you.”

“I don´t trust myself.”

“You´re too hard on yourself. But I trust you." she caught his other hand and repeated the ritual, kissing finger after finger. “I know these hands would never really hurt me. I know you would never really hurt me.”

“You just asked me to.”

“It´s different. Just a hint of pain. No real hurt, love. Just a little. Just enough.”

“What´s even the difference?...”

“A glass of water can parch a man´s thirst and even save his life, but a sea´s worth of water will drown him. That´s the difference. I´m just asking you for a glass. You´re the only one I´d ask this from. The only one who can give it to me.”

Evelyn guided his hands up her thighs. He felt the soft skin over the taught flesh, warm, smooth, inviting.

“Close your eyes.” 

The world disappeared from his sight, leaving only the feel of her under his hands, and her voice inside his ears. He felt it as she guided his hands upwards, along her hips, the sides of her body, her back. She let go, and he felt her shift. She had leaned in. he could tell, by her breath on his shoulder, by the feel of her hands along his forearms, the softeness of her breasts against his chest. 

“Touch me.” she whispered

Severus let his hands travel along her back, feeling the muscles, the spine, then going down. 

“You won´t hurt me, love.”

Severus head her hiss in delight when he grabbed her arse. He couldn´t do much with his left hand, but he let the fingers of his right hand sink into the generous softeness he found. 

She gasped.

Severus grabbed and squeezed, certainly leaving marks. Her legs spread further apart, her belly pressed against his, muscles twiching. She leaned into him, as if she couldn´t hold herself up. Severus heard her breath catch, gasping for air. He opened his eyes.

“What do you want?” he implored. “Tell me what do to.”

“Whatever you want, love. Just do what you want. You know I want it too.” 

Severus drew circles with the tips of his fingers along the expense of her flesh, down to where her arse met her thighs, running his fingernails lightly as he went. He felt her tremble. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed it a little too much...how it felt to have her at his mercy...to hear her beg for release. He let his hand ghost along, barely touching her. Just to make her suffer. To deny her. 

Evelyn´s nails dug into him.

“Please.” 

“Please what?”

“Punish me.”

“Lynz...”

“I can´t always be your good girl, Sev. Let me be a little naughty. Punish me.”

Severus gasped. 'Good girl'...that´s what he called her. When they had sex. When he fucked her into oblivion. When she took him to heaven and back. When she gave him what he wanted, however many times he wanted, in however many ways he wanted. She was his 'good girl', then. She was so good to him. So, so good to him. She made him feel like that darkness inside didn´t matter. Like it wasn´t there. Like he could be free and take his pleasure, the pleasure he didn´t feel he deserved.   
And there she was begging him. He couldn´t deny her. He couldn´t deny her pleasure, when she gave him so much. When she was so bloody good to him.

The sound of his hand smacking against her bare flesh filled the room and Severus felt the hot tingle of the impact on his palm. 

Once, twice, three times. 

She gasped with each one. She squirmed and moaned and called his name. There was no pain in that sound. Just raw bliss. 

“Please...” she shook in his arms. “more.” 

Severus kissed her shoulder, tenderly, and raised his left hand to support her back, caressing slowly, soothingly.

“Shhh...easy love...”

“Please..”

He didn´t give her more. Not just yet. Control yourself, Severus, he repeated inside his head. Don´t hurt her. Give her just what she can take. Control yourself. He reached down, between her spread thighs. She was wet, so wet. Of her own arousal, of him. So wet. Her flesh was warm, trembling, the engorged lips of her sex openened to let his fingers in, first one, then two. 

Control yourself. Breathe. 

“Sev, I´m begging you, please.” she sounded like she was about to cry. He was tempted to just finish it right them. Just be done with it. Make her cum. Push further up inside of her, or maybe...he took his fingers out and felt around, looking for that swollen bud above the entrance. He careessed it when he found it, hard and fast and she writhed and shuddered and cried.

“God, please, Sev, smack me again, for the love of God, do it.” she sobbed. 

There was no fear in it, no hurt, no pain. There was nothing but complete surrender in her voice. 

Severus felt his limbs tingling, his cock getting hard again. It didn´t feel wrong. She wanted it. She truly did. He wanted it as well. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed it a little too much...to hear her beg. To feel her hurt, just a little. Just enough. 

“Turn around.” he growled. “Get on your knees,”

And she did. Merlin gracious, she did.

“There´s my good girl.”

Control yourself, Severus, he kept repeating inside his head. Give her just enough. Not too much. Don´t hurt her more than she can take. Don´t hurt her more than she wants. More than she needs. Just a little bit of pain. Just enough to quench her thirst. Just enough to make her thighs tremble without giving out from beneath her. Just enough. 

Severus´hand smacked against her flesh. Once, twice...he lost count. Fast, hard, hot. Till the skin was red and tingling. Till she was on the brink of orgasm. She gasped, moaned and begged for more with each stroke. Severus wondered if he could have made her come just with that. The thought made him feel powerful. Made him shudder with delight. 

But no, not this time. 

Not too much. Just enough. 

When Evelyn´s legs finally gave in and she collapsed on the bed, spent yet unfulfilled, tears of frustration streaming down her face, almost there but not quite. That´s when Severus knew enough was enough. He turned her around, kissing away the tears at the corner of her eyes before sheathing himself in her. Her castigated body welcomed him with delirious relief and gratitude.

She was so close, so bloody close. It was like putting one last drop of water on an overflowing glass. Overstimulated, hot, flushed and convulsing, her flesh gave way and then it all shattered and erupted. For a blessed, eternal second Severus didn´t know where his body ended and hers started. For a blessed, eternal second he could feel that delightful pain she talked about, the way it hurt just enough to be pleasure, just enough to undo her. 

Just enough.

“Ah...t-thank you, love.” was that him or her who said it? It didn´t matter.

There was something dark inside of him that Severus felt he had to control and stiffle. Yet, somehow, within her, his darkness exploded into a million stars all over a night sky. And then it wasn´t so dark anymore.


End file.
